High Standards

I concur with Masuji and NER, if you know it's not going to be long term, don't waste time. If I like the person but don't see a long meaningful relationship in it, there's a thing called "friendship" I like to have every once and a while that I'll pick over a sure-to-fail intimate relationship. High standards are for protection. You can aim high, and then adjust accordingly. I do not expect anyone to match my standard. I just know I'd end up in a horrible spiral of emotional pain if I just "went with the flow" and didn't have set standards. I'd pretty much get emotionally attached to any who-whatsit that showed interest in me, because I always find something in each person that I really like. So, you just jump from boy to boy? You're selfish? Or just won't understand me ever? I'll like you anyways, because you're human, and I'm partial to humans because I can relate to them at times.

LOL! Exactly. I concur with the idea of compromising if the guy who shows interest meets up with the basic things that are necessary to get along with me for a long length of time, but also brings something new, different or even better to the table.

I feel like high standards alienates a lot of potential in people. Sometimes if you set those parameters up you look just for that and if you do find that someone you fits it you'll be happy. But when something happens and that person isn't the same anymore, or changes as the course of the relationship goes on you begin to think that it might not have been the perfect choice. People change overtime, so sometimes setting those high standards can end up sucking sometimes. Sorry just thinking about worse case scenarios. :x

And I agree; that can happen. I've known a person very close to me who got married only to find out that the gorgeous Tom Cruise look-alike she hitched up with had a bad temper and came home from Afghanistan with PTSD and suicidal tendencies. However, they've worked it out by adapting from seeing only what they expect from each other to seeing what they really have and treasuring the good so they can work out the bad. I can't help but wonder if a lot of divorces (My mother was a divorcee, so I know what I'm talking about) happen because people dive in before seeing beyond what they want to see in a person. In that case, I don't think it's because a person has high standards that they make that mistake. It's because they are so eager to find those standards that they will assume, "He matches some of the criteria, so he's good enough," and then they take that leap of marriage prematurely. And yes, I said marriage. I'm sorry; in my opinion, marriage is something that should be considered as a point-of-no-return in a relationship and therefore treated tentatively and with a lot of care and commitment on both ends. Therefore, I'd rather date a guy for three years to find out he isn't what I wanted than date him for one, marry him, and only then find out, "Oh, he's really an asshole," and immediately have to get a divorce before I end up emotionally or physically scarred for life. From this point of view, it can be deduced that high standards are a sort of defense mechanism to prevent bad experiences from ever happening/happening again.

Lol yeah thats what I was getting at with my point. But you have very valid points too. I agree marrige should be one of those we jump together and its just two ot us. But ultimately its up to the individuals no? How that person is personality wise and how their partner is.

True. I think, though, that the best strategy is to stick to most of your standards as long as those standards are humanly possible. Then, once you think you've found the right person, think again and hold out (from marriage) a little while longer. My best friend has been dating the same guy for over three years, and they didn't even exchange promise rings until after a year of dating. It's a rather good idea, I think, to hold out as long as you can until you know for sure what you're really getting as far as your partner goes.

Honesty is an important part of any relationship. If you cant put trust in your partner you are the one that gets screwed.