what am i even doing...?

What you're doing? Pitying yourself. It's human and most people do it at some point of their life but it doesn't help at all. It makes you feel even more miserable. Instead of indulging yourself in the negatives of your life enjoy the positives.

Not sure if trollin' or nah.. @rainbow chick

I don't quite feel like you as I don't have social anxiety but I do know where you're coming from. I work around 48 hours a week and when I'm not at work I am usually at home spending time with the cats. If I had to guess I probably get through it by being apathetic. Though days like today I felt like logging into my maiotaku account and talking to others.