benitaro

All experience thus far points to no. Courage is an elusive thing though, everyone talks like it is some choice you make standing there one the precipice wondering why you're so scared and everyone else is so calm. As though it isn't a thing found inside you, everyone thinks that since they did it you can too. To make the 'choice' to have courage without having any is cheap bravado, you'll just stand there like an idiot with lead lined limbs waiting for yourself to do the thing you chose, very consciously, to do. My point is some people just can't open up that way, not entirely. Sometimes they just need the right environment or to be convinced that they aren't going to get hurt, or hurt someone in turn. Me, I'm the sort who has a strong feeling that I'll get rejected the moment I let my true self show, so it's easier to be a superficial creature. Don't get me wrong, I'm willing to open up some to certain people in certain scenarios, but its not like I'm eager to put myself out there. Better to be a clown than to be defined by my ineptitudes. Naturally this is a self harming cycle since it means I don't believe anyone when they tell me I'm not all that bad and thus my self image gets worse. Anyways I'm working on it, humans aren't static after all, but its not the sort of problem that one just 'chooses' to do and then immediately does it. Knowing that, for better or for worse, whoever you are opening up to will think differently of you is not a comforting though after all. Especially since you have no means for deflection since you showed them your true self.