chief650martin

Lately I've been thinking about the old times. Like the times when i was happy, i've been in this rut of depression for so long, I get nothing but bad news. If it's not finding out one of my friends died in combat or getting yelled at by people who hate hate gays, because im BI, or looking in the mirror and hate seeing what I see. Sometimes I wounder what I'm still doing here. I have no family, my friends are either dead or still in combat. I just wish I could go back in time and tell myself not to do some of the things I've done. I just wounder how much longer I can take it all. I wish i could be back out with my friends, watching each others backs, making sure we all got home safe, there or here, before and after. The alcohol doesn't help anymore, the smokes don't calm me down like once before. I hate to close my eyes and see the faces before i pulled the trigger, the faces of old friends i can't see anymore. All i had was the memories but those seem to be fading now. I look and see all my old scars and remember the pain of once i got them and the pain they still have to this day. I feel that this all just might mean my time is close to an end. I wounder how I'm going out, I'm not scared of death, I'm just tired of waiting for it. I'm scared to find out in the end all of my time was for nothing, it was just a waste of a life. I just wish it would come soon so i know that i did something right in my life, even if it just means that i only helped one person, even if its the smallest thing, making someone smile, or just making them laugh, just one small thing will make it up for everything else. All I just want to know, was it all for nothing or for something i can't see yet, or something I can't see till the end, or won't see at all. God I'm on my last smoke and last drop of alcohol. I just hope I did good once in my life, just once....

Anime Expo® can you hurry up and be here, god i can't wait to go to AX, i can't wait to see all the cosplayers and new releases of anime. And buy so much shit that i don't need. Hurry up AX, I can't wait any longer. Specially that i get to hang out with my best friend, Nathan, and laugh at his little brother.

So my dad told me he no longer wants me in his life because I came out to him, it hurts to know that the one I thought i could truly trust would do that to me. But I'll will respect his wishes and leave him be, I hope he has a great life with his wife and two daughters.

Who is going to Anime Expo this year? If so how long are you going? Also are you cosplay, is so what as? I'm going all 4 days, I'm going to cosplay as Male version Yang from RWBY.