Was it my fault?

I don't think both of you did anything wrong. It just sounds like what you wanted from the relationship wasn't what she wanted. That happens sometimes, though it does still suck a lot. You'll keep replaying everything over in your mind for a while, but just work on getting past that by finding something to take your mind off of it. I do definitely think that next time, before you start really getting serious into a relationship that it'd be good to kind of have the talk with the other person so that everyone is on the same page. Communication is key!

Just saw her again at a party yesterday... I thought I wanted to see her again, to get a chance to talk and get things sorted. Just to get things on good terms, nothing more. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect opportunity. But when I saw her, my guts started wrenching. I felt disgusted, and I couldn't stay. I guess I didn't really want to see her after all... Some friends filled me in on what happened after I left, apparently she got really sick and left as well right after I walked out, even though she had just arrived... I had finally gotten over her and have started seeing new people... But this brought it all back.. terrible timing really. It's funny, she was the one who cut all contact, yet I wasn't able to even stay in the same building as her.

You did the best thing by leaving. I would feel the same way if I was left down like that. I'm also sorry that you got set back to square one of your feelings. *hugs* please get the strength to feel better again. You're an emotionally strong person (:

I can say from personal experience of having had some bad past breakups, that it can be really hard to commit to someone or get emotionally close once the damage is done. I still feel the sting of my last major relationship that lasted several years, and even though I'm over it, I have become very weary of becoming attached to people to the point of rejecting past offers to date due to an internal, irrational fear of being abandoned again. I desire the closeness, yet when I start to get close to someone, I push away and reject my feelings as a form of false coping with an issue that doesn't exist, in reality. I realize it, myself, so I'm trying to change that. Sometimes you have to just be there for the person, show them you care by staying by their side, but don't pressure them. If/when they're ready, they'll give in and gravitate your way, if it was meant to be. Space is important, but so is a shoulder to lean on. I wouldn't feel bad or beat yourself up over this. You really had no way of knowing, and sometimes the sensitivity we face internally isn't easily rationalized by anyone; not even the person enduring it. One minute you know what you want, the next, it's the opposite. The most you can do is be yourself, be sensitive to others, and gauge the situation as best as you can.

She's dating another dude. Girls do that a lot rofl when they were hurt so much they tend to have other guys on the side just for sex. Guys do the same thing, it's a vicious cycle of pain. Players weren't born players, players were honest people who got hurt by previous players. Believe me I went through this like a few weeks back, same bull story and issue. I didn't pursue it after a while because I tend to lose interest as well when it comes to women like that but I tend to shut off my emotional switch as well.. Though when women try to want a relationship after a friends with benefits deal I shut off the "good supportive man switch" and just do it for the sex. Hard for me to switch it back on when a woman wanted it off in the first place. She became depressed about something I was just not really caring, so she thought that was odd (because at first I was supportive till she told me she just wanted to have fun.) and eventually she spilled the beans. She was dating someone while talking to me rofl She only told me this because her "BF ended up being a fucktard " married man and she had no one else to run to. Though see the web there? Girl leads on a nice guy like "me" who is being cheated on by a bf who happens to be married to his wife and kids. Who knows what the wife is doing, probably cheating too, and that person she's cheating with cheats on another. If you follow it, it's like a cheating web.. If only there was a "cheatbook" to track it you'll probably see a connection (contact friends) to everyone in the US, everyone knows someone. ROFL like a family cheat tree. Sometimes humanity is a horrid place. PS it's not your fault, it's society.

Also I not to be confused with polygamous things which is fine. I do those too but as long as there is honesty and clarity from the start "hey i swing, but want to date me too?" I'd either say "yeah sure." or "no thanks" but at least you're honest and not leading someone on.