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Ex-gf issues

vongola10
Normally I wouldn't post something so trivial on here but I would like some insight. So my ex gf who I was with for 4 years remains my one and only friend. Sometimes I wonder if still being good friends with her hurts my social abilities even more. I broke up with her cause I found her to be dissrespectful, plus she invaded my privicy like nobodys business. Always looking through my phone and Facebook seeing who I've been talking to. Anyways I'm sure she still has lingering romantic feelings for me, it really came to light when she had a mental breakdown that I was going to meet up with a girl I've been talking with for a couple months at a convention (that I just got back from) Granted my encounter with the new girl was horrible but that's another story. Anyways my ex does things like talk about the bad stuff I do to her friends, making me look like a total jerk. When everybody knows who you are and assumes what kind of person you are its hard to further any kind of relationship... Now, she wants to come with me to the next convention I'm going to and stay in my room. I'm not sure if I'm ok with that, considering I might be wanting to stay by myself. There's a possibility of me meeting someone else at this other con, and I don't want a bunch of drama in a place like that. My question is, Is this even a healthy standing for me? I feel like I should cut ties with her, but then I'm too nice and id feel bad for doing that. I feel if I don't say something though, I won't get out of this loop that's slowly hurting me. I more or less want advice on what my "next step" should be.
saita
. @saita commented on Ex-gf issues
Apr 22, 14 at 2:16pm
I'm not going to go into a long detailed post here. But I used to be in your exact same situation. She clearly has jealously problems, that persist despite the fact that you two are no longer together? Situations like this can only emotionally and mentally wear you down after a while. Such negative energy from jealously is a very heavy thing that you don't need in your life. If it were me, I would at the very least, distance myself from her, if not cut ties completely. When I was in this situation a few years ago, cutting contact was very hard at first, I felt guilty about doing so, because i'm a nice guy and I don't like getting ties. But in the end, it was better for both myself and her. Think about the position your ex is in right now. She clearly still has feelings for you (Or so it would seem) considering now jealous she still is. She's causing herself a lot of stress, as well as you. It seems like you two need some distance for a while, if not cutting ties completely. For both your sake, and hers.
rikki0489
Apr 22, 14 at 9:20pm
If you are going to cut her out of your life completely just do it, and commit to it. I've had to do the same thing recently, and honestly it was the best thing I have ever done. As far a the room situation goes, if you don't stop all communication, just try and tell her that you don't think it would be a good idea to share a room right now. Maybe go to a panel or two together at the convention, but I personally don't think it would be wise to spend the entire weekend together. You need to take care of yourself too. exactly what you said is true you wont be able to get out of the pain loop with out talking to her and telling her where you stand. It's going to hurt now, but you both will find happiness in the end it's just not with each other
metaljester
Apr 22, 14 at 9:26pm
Trust me I know how this feels my first relationship was like this and I was a fool for letting her do it to me. I agree with both of the previous commenters. The best solution is to cut her out of your life. The bigger question is to how to do that. Would you go about it fast and just end it or would you do it more slowly in the risk that she may not listen. Personally myself I would do the second option and if that doesn't work the first one.
amrodcalanor
Apr 23, 14 at 2:34am
Sounds horrible, End it ;D Yeah its that simple. Unless she starts stalking you. Then its a bit more complicated.
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