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Is It Going to Work Out?

jtibbs
Just don't strangle the relationship.
chicgeek23
I'm am hearing you guys out I promise. I am more willing to listen without comments like "Sounds like being with you is exhausting."
jtibbs
Thats a blunt but true statement. If you're overly affectionate with someone who can't reciprocate or handle it, it is exhausting. You could be the only one thinking its a strain on the relationship as well which can lead to further issues if you don't pull back. You asked can it work out, sure it can, but you can't expect someone to change for it.
vezax
Feb 27, 18 at 3:57pm
@chicgeek... i think u r doing too much for him, i know u want him to be more romantic.. but doing too much things for him is only making you more frustrated due to the unbalanced efforts. Just chill it out for sometime and dont go over the board for him and see how he reacts, he might miss you more and might be more romantic dont know.. but even if he doesnt u wont get frustrated. Dont treat your boyfriend like an accessory or like a king, those wont only give chance for him to take you for granted but also it wont really pay off... in the end if he breaksup coz u r not treating him like king then he doesnt deserve u...
vezax
Feb 27, 18 at 4:00pm
muffin... nothing is ever your intention haha
chicgeek23
You guys should know I am an extremely emotional being. I'm also a broken person. I've dealt with constant disappointment and a lack of genuine love. People like close family have abused and mistreated me. Bad relationships is where I've had the person I was with and one of their close friend say they didn't like one another, gaslighted me and claimed I was just jealous even though they were flirting with each other and got together after breaking things off. Other times I was with people who said they liked me and it was only about the sex, once they got bored. I'm glad those didn't work out. But now I'm at a point where I am not sure if I can have words be enough. People can say they love you or show it in small ways and be good enough for some. Well, I've been hurt by people who should have loved me unconditionally or not go out of the way to hurt me. Which is why I have higher standards. It's not impossible and its not like I want expensive gifts or gifts in general. There are people out there like that have that capability. Who wanna put their all into it. After getting my heart broken repeatedly by people who I didn't think would hurt me ended up give me a lot of baggage that left many voids of my trust and closeness with others. My boyfriend now is the only one I've ever met who has gotten me to trust him completely. I don't know that because of just him but his family and company he keeps. He's not the kind to go mess around which is a brand new experience for me. Okay check that off. Trust 100 percent. Which is something I have never been able to give someone fully. Chemistry, we both love video games, hanging out, drinking, smoking, anime, superhero movies, and cartoons. Which is also important. He is a a very handsome guy!! Which does make me jealous when I'm out with him and girls flirt with him when I'm right there, but it also makes me feel good because he isn't flirting back. Okay 2 more check pluses. Yeah but then when we hang out or not, its like we are casual buddies. Not two people dating. Okay one minus. We are apart more than together but most of the time I never feel like I'm missed or that he's excited to see me when we are going to meet up even though I make those things clear. Like very minor things to some, but bigs ones to me.
chicgeek23
I guess I see what your saying vezax, but if I tone down my efforts won't that just show he shouldn't step up either?
vezax
Feb 27, 18 at 4:20pm
nope not at all... infact if you tone up your efforts it will only make him take you for granted, that always happens in unbalanced efforts, moreover u just get frustrated for all the extra efforts u put in. the logic is kinda similar to friendship, if you are putting a lot of efforts to keep a friend impressed and be with u then thats not worth it coz he is not with u coz he cares about u but coz of your efforts. tone down your efforts, and just be natural and comfortable with him.. and let him be natural with u.. if u feel insecure then just ask him if he loves you lol, when i had such situations like yours hearing "i love you" from my gf (now ex) did make me feel a lot better. Again... its just my opinion
ohad
Feb 27, 18 at 4:23pm
What is it that you expect from this relationship? being lovey-dovey?starting a family? Maybe your idea and his idea of a relationship is different.
chicgeek23
Well it was like that in the beginning, Ohad. He did really romantic stuff for me all the time. He sent a coworker over on his lunch run with a box of candy and comic strips he printed along with a 3D paper figure of Archer sterling and a origami swan for absolutely no special reason. All of which I still have out on display. He is the one who set the bar high and there was no end to my show of appreciation for him doing it either. On one of our first double dates, he had a bag in the front seat with a mini funko figure of a MLP collectible he had me open before going in to watch Guardians of the Galaxy. I mean he also said that we had similar goals in relationships. So I don't know what changed. It would be nice if it were like that again or at least more frequent.
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