yuuzora

35 year old Female

Last online about 21 hours ago

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yuuzora @yuuzora

Aug 28, 24 at 12:19am

Just putting this out here. It could take me up to a year to form a romantic bond with someone... is that too long to ask? Especially when it isn't guaranteed? Especially when the person I look for is so painfully specific? I know exactly who I want, in my inner world, I already have him. So anyone who dares try that route would have to be something extraordinary, or exactly who I'm looking for. Not what. Not if. But Who. I know who I want... but do they want me? Are they looking for me as much as I am them? How will I know it's who I am looking for? He'll like cleaning, be a decent fighter, casual musician, he's short, incredibly intelligent, has trauma that matches mine, isn't afraid of taking risks, a good leader when he has to be... so what am I bringing to this party? I like cleaning, am a decent fighter, a serious musician, I'm short, kinda smart sometimes, plenty of trauma but also the healing and coping tools to deal with it, I'm not afraid of risks at all, I am a leader and always will be, I also have the emotional intelligence he tends to lack. Is all that unrealistic? Especially when my life is NOT together in the slightest? I need friend support so badly and I'm afraid to be looked at like a romantic conquest. So being friends is a necessary first step to me. I could understand someone being afraid to be friendzoned. But if you are that person, there's no need to worry. Once I see you as a close friend, the romantic option would be open either way. Like I'd automatically give you a chance because you were my friend first. That's how it works for demis. Is that okay to ask? Am I asking too much? I'm just writing all this out because if I don't it'll eat me alive. This is sort of a safe space for me, so I'm probably going to post this to the void. Anyone who wants to comment can, and I'll to my best to understand your meaning even if it is tough advice. That's another thing I bring is that I do my best to be reasonable and rational, with schizophrenia reality is already hard enough to tell apart, so that can be hard. Which is why a rational, thinker-type person will work well with me. I'll appreciate your opinions and consider them very carefully.

Criselington @criselington You do what you got to do and take your time. You'll find your person and y'all can be the fun sized duo.

Holly Mommy ® @wei_ying I agree with Viking babe in a sense...I can understand worrying about waiting too long and being concerned on if that other person will lose interest-and I'm not saying this for pity but in seriousness-but with the traumas you may have, it sounds perfectly reasonable to want to wait a year (shorter or longer if you want to even) to wait to see if said person would be a good romantic partner. Again, I can understand worrying about the person losing interest or something (especially if you like them) and even imagining possible disappointment if you decide to not go through with wanting a relationship, BUT in my mind if they respect/love/care about you enough then they'll respect your boundaries and time it may take for you to get to a decision. Communication is key, if you also end up liking someone enough to even lessen time then it's fine to talk about it with them, but whatever decision you make, take your time to do so! Especially for romance, it truly is such a serious and precious thing, I personally think it's better to take time on things than rush in too quickly...but maybe that's just my opinion, Yuu-chan. Try not to beat yourself up about it too hard, 'kay? ❤️

Veru @verucassault I'm a bleeding romantic that says that a person who loves you would invest in the time and take the risk and a person who wouldn't isn't worth the time. Matters of the heart can be as simple or complicated as you make them. You know it takes you a while to form a bond, you know what you're looking for. I see no reason to settle if that's what you want. In this situation I would just hope that person would like me as much to take the gamble. That's part of the excitement and thrill of love at first, not knowing how it's going to end up, fable or folly.

Ghost @kuharido Seems reasonable, you got to know if you really get along with someone. that takes time to grow. it takes me a long time to develop a connection too.

alldonai @alldonai left a comment for yuuzora

alldonai @alldonai

Aug 24, 24 at 5:14pm

Hi I'm new. How are you.

yuuzora @yuuzora Ahoy. I'm alive. Was gone for a few days busy with work. How about you?

yuuzora @yuuzora

Aug 22, 24 at 2:38pm

The side profile was easier to draw, too. But the customer wants what they want. :)

Post ur art my dudes.

Xelbraig @gabriel_true commented on Post ur art my dudes.

Xelbraig @gabriel_true

Aug 21, 24 at 11:36am

I quite like the second design on the top row. With the sheepdog and goat facing to the side. Though I can see why the final design was chosen.

Xelbraig @gabriel_true I enjoyed all 4. Thank you for sharing your drawings! I know who to call if I need something commissioned.

Ghost @kuharido left a comment for yuuzora

Ghost @kuharido

Aug 14, 24 at 6:01pm

A fellow fan https://youtu.be/x7M348dVaio

Xelbraig @gabriel_true left a comment for yuuzora

Xelbraig @gabriel_true

Aug 11, 24 at 9:34pm

How did your day go? Mine was quiet, but I did spend the day socializing a bit with several people in my neighborhood as well as go out for lunch at Applebee's. Tried the bacon burger which had a sweet and sour sauce on it for some unknown reason. Tasted alright, however not sure as I'd order it again. Checked up on a couple friends and the one with the flu said they were doing better this evening. The other I suppose to hang out with tomorrow unless they have an emergency. The possibility is there seeing as his grandmother was diagnosed with dementia and needs 24 hour nursing assistance.

yuuzora @yuuzora Sorry to hear your friend is having to deal with ye ol' influenza. That shite sucks. Ew, socializing. lol. Sounds like you had some fun at least. Is your friend with the mental illness the same whose nana is diagnosed with dementia? If so, that is incredibly difficult. If only there were an international network of people who could support each other through mental illness. I'm sure lots of people would benefit from such a thing.

Xelbraig @gabriel_true The friend taking care of his grandmother is a different person. I know there are local groups that offer assistance, but it isn't available everywhere.

yuuzora @yuuzora

Aug 11, 24 at 4:15pm

Loved it. It's got all the things I miss from this genre. Though I don't think I grew up with this song, I'll add it to my playlist. Thank you for sharing it. :D

Ghost @kuharido left a comment for yuuzora

Ghost @kuharido

Aug 11, 24 at 2:54pm

This is the ending theme music video for City Hunter '91. I'm very fond of the bishonen style. Thought you might like the video too. https://youtu.be/enBPi5Okyg8

Ghost @kuharido left a comment for yuuzora

Ghost @kuharido

Aug 11, 24 at 2:54pm

This is the ending theme music video for City Hunter '91. I'm very fond of the bishonen style. Thought you might like the video too. https://youtu.be/enBPi5Okyg8

yuuzora @yuuzora

Aug 10, 24 at 4:50pm

Yeah, I'm used to keeping it all to myself. To not get in the way and to not freak people out. Basically become a master of masking. But anyone who's known me well enough has seen some pieces of the suffering. I still keep people at a distance because who wants to be friends with a basket case? There's that saying 'don't stick your lot in with crazies'. And since that technically counts me... yeah. So at the risk of pushing people away I should be transparent with them. I know that it'll attract the wrong crowd anyway and I'd be lying if I wasn't scared to death of that. Being looked at like a piece of meat rather than a human being is one of the worst feelings in the world. But I'd still rather be honest. It means leaving myself vulnerable and I can't stand that reality. But I should take your advice, since it seems others agree. I can't help the reactions of others, but I can control myself. So here it goes? I bet everyone's been guessing what I've got. lol I'm tempted to let people take bets to see who will guess it right. Also, thank you for sharing your insights with me. I hope your friend will find peace, too.

Sorry to ask...

Xelbraig @gabriel_true commented on Sorry to ask...

Xelbraig @gabriel_true

Aug 09, 24 at 6:55pm

I don't want for you to be discouraged as one should never feel as if its hopeless or as my friend will often say to me through tears, "I'm so sorry, it's my fault. I don't know why I can't figure this out on my own!" It's heartbreaking to have to remind my friend it was never their fault. We live in a difficult world, however those of us who have God's grace to be mentally well should be willing and ready to take up the challenge of befriending as well as offering genuine help to those struggling to find a place they can feel like they're welcome. It should never be left to "someone else" when there are those of us standing near to bring genuine comfort to another in need. You shouldn't have to explain yourself or your condition as it should never be an issue to begin with to those socially and spiritually mature. Yet sadly it may be necessary as people who mean well can be just as misinformed about a disability as someone with malicious intent to do harm. I want nothing more than to lend solace that despite your past dealings there most certainly are others available to be their as friends or more if they and you can work out the necessary details to form a real mature relationship.

Xelbraig @gabriel_true I've been friends with this person for going on 15 years. God made our friendship possible when they reached out to me in high school because they were suffering isolation from peers and adults alike. This individual though normal in appearance does have difficulty keeping up with normal conversations. Often they will deviate from one topic to the next without warning or seemingly reason. They have lost a number of jobs in the past because employers for whatever reason have failed to understand their disability prevents them from concentrating on tasks that are expected of normal workers. Another challenge that they bare are sudden mood swings that involve spontaneous crying in the middle of a casual conversation. This confuses the uninitiated into thinking they themselves have offended or spoke in a way that upset my friend even though it literally has nothing to do with anything going on in the moment. This person simply can't control their emotions and will brake down randomly. I picked up on this early on and simply kept a level head through even the most awkward restaurant episodes with wait staff looking to me for answers as to why asking for a drink order would cause my friend to go spiraling into a crying episode. I simply respond it's a condition and they're going to be ok once they work through it.

yuuzora @yuuzora That is a tough one to handle. Even with medications, it doesn't remedy all the symptoms. Not to mention adherence is difficult because those side effects really create their own problems. It's good this one has a friend like you, though. People who don't judge are like finding shiny legendary pokemon. I wonder how many people on MO are as open-minded and accepting? We'll see. We'll see who I scare away. Or I'll attract the swamp creatures. lolololololol

Xelbraig @gabriel_true Thus far in our conversation I haven't felt you were difficult to speak to. As you said it perhaps is an odd quirk of yours that only becomes apparent after lengthy discussions. As of current I don't perceive you as "a bit too much."

yuuzora @yuuzora I'm a bit surprised to hear that. While I am considered 'high functioning' for the disorders I have, lots of people tend to think I'm off due to my bluntness. I can only hope your friend has had a good support network to feel at least not alone in their conditions? It's notoriously difficult to find good groups, even just online. I did change my profile to mention the illnesses, so we'll see what happens. I guess I am open to questions you have about the two disorders, since I know they're relatively rare and heavily stereotyped and demonized.

Xelbraig @gabriel_true To be honest I hadn't read the updated information. I felt it was better to simply talk without relying on perceived barriers. The worst I could say I picked up on was that you have been suffering with anxiety about how others think of you. That's not uncommon as many have those thoughts. Some worse than others, but they exist in most people never the less. As for my friend, you are kind to offer concern for their well being. Aside from their grandparents sadly they have no others save for the local government provided counseling (which is woefully equipped to be supportive) and myself. It can be a struggle to always know in what ways to help or words to use to convey a sincere message of understanding about their daily challenges. Still we're nearly 2 decades into the thick of it and I remain optimistic.

yuuzora @yuuzora It is sad to hear that there isn't much support out there for your friend. Generally the world is ill equipped for it, like you said before. I think the only place doing well right now is maybe Sweden. This one is an empathic person, so it's in my nature to care about other human beings and offer to help them when they need help. Especially people at risk of self-harm, which I hope your friend does not have to deal with. I do experience some anxiety toward my mental illnesses, as they are both demonized and I'd rather not be seen as a demon. Many, many people know next to nothing about Schizophrenia and DiD. It doesn't help that DiD has had some sort of surge of children trying to self-diagnose with DiD which clogs up the resources for people who actually have it. I can't stress enough, that it's not like the movies and it isn't a collection of anime characters to be used on a whim.

Xelbraig @gabriel_true Well put! It's as if you're able to read my thoughts on what I was going to say next. My friend is doing alright minus a sudden case of the flu. As for Schizophrenia and Identity Disorder I have heard that doctors are changing their understanding and treatment plans for such disorders constantly. I suspect my father's mom was suffering with some form of it. She died when my father was still a kid, but he had to be taken by social services since his mom was known to put him in danger when having "episodes." This was back in the 1960's when even less was understood about mental health. The disability my grandmother was afflicted with apparently was genetic. My dad's eldest brother also shared a shifting personality that sadly led to his untimely demise. He left behind a daughter, but I haven't ever spoken directly with my cousin to know more about the kind of man my late uncle was. It might make sense to simply ask my father, but he is hard to get information from. He appears to have invented a narrative that acts as a form of coping mechanism for a rather tragic family dynamic. Admittedly I can't blame him. There was no easy answers for how things played out. All I can do with the knowledge of my family's mental health history is try to be vigilant of its many forms and act accordingly when it crops up with surviving relatives. Sorry to get off on a tangent, but I can empathize with your condition on some level at least.

yuuzora @yuuzora Aye. It's good to hear your friend is doing okay. Though being sick with the flu sucks. DiD used to be known as MPD and for some people the latter is still more accurate, a majority feel DiD describes the experience more clearly. There is a strong genetic component to Schizophrenic disorders, DiD however is always triggered by childhood trauma. So people that claim it and have no significant childhood difficulties are molded potatoes. That is quite the family history. There is some evidence to suggest that Schizophrenic disorders can lead to dementia. Especially when untreated. I sincerely feel the utmost sorrow hearing what people go through when they have to be institutionalized. Even now that we have all this technology and better understandings, patients in state asylums are still treated like animals. And the medications are only slightly better than they used to be. Especially the heavier stuff. Is your friend on medications to help or is this person afraid of the side effects?

Xelbraig @gabriel_true My friend who has the disability is on medication and does have a counselor that is supposed to be providing them resources. However it has fallen to mostly themself and their grandparents figure out a solution. I also had a recent conversation where they informed me that they were handed off to another counselor who seemed to not understand the situation.

yuuzora @yuuzora This one understands the feeling of being shuffled off between counselors. Especially trying to find one who understands the vibe. Which is why I'm not currently in therapy though I know I need professional help other than myself. What about you? Do you suffer from any mental ailments?

Xelbraig @gabriel_true Haha, as for myself I can't say I have been diagnosed with anything thus far! I've had concerns about my family history potentially causing future issues as I get older, but currently I am not suffering any notable ailments.

yuuzora @yuuzora

Aug 09, 24 at 8:50pm

Last month in Lan Su Chinese Garden and tea house. The dress is called Hanfu from the Wei-Ji era/period. :)

Lishifu @hakutaku commented on

Lishifu @hakutaku

Aug 09, 24 at 8:32pm

This outfit is so cute! Where were you?

yuuzora @yuuzora

Aug 09, 24 at 6:56pm

I generally have an extremely difficult time trusting anyone. I'm trying to fix this behavior, but my past with narcissistic abusers makes that quite the task. I think I agreed with a few in the comments before, but I'll hear a few more opinions before deciding.