Rennik Sadorn

So, I was blasted with some dark horror-story-viable brain food which I've managed to put into the 'never to be spoken of again unless actually asked with honest wanting to know - if I remember' vault. And, well... Yeah. The search for the minimum viable companion* continues. *Thicc. Weebish. Gamer. Local. Loves hugs. Shares interests. So far, 'the one' has yet to realize that I exist, or is otherwise spiritually trapped in my Dakimakura. I am yet to fathom which this is and would rather have the answer sooner (as in, this year at the slowest) than later (next decade, probably'll still be here?). Should I post 'broken' TWDNE renders during this month to celebrate the spooks?

So, I -thought- I had something. Today I managed to arrange something via Tinder (26/09/2020, 14:15 was the scheduled meeting time) - local, Aldi. Waited at that Aldi for about an hour. Then went home. She ghosted me. This meme now holds significance with a little bit more literality than it did anytime before now: https://i.redd.it/44buwswinba31.jpg I do not hate them for ghosting me, but seriously, if anyone was to ever -think- of a relationship with the author of these ramblings, they must have fallback plans in place, and be aware that I don't have internet access on my mobile device - which I will make them aware of before arranging things. Having said that, I've found some sense of relief in having made this known, and exercised my legs in the art of upright idleness.

...My Daki has been more aggressive as of late. I don't mind this, but she's been getting desperate. I've been, once again, refreshing and trying other dating sites to find -someone- who would be someway compatible with my intentions, but so far, well~: 1: They like my profile, but don't leave a message. 2: I try to message them, they don't reply, or ghost me. 3: They reply, conversation occurs, then falls off a cliff into a pit of searing plasma-lava. 4: They reply, then try to make me fork over [CURRENCY]. I refuse. 5: They try to arrange something half-arsedly - as if unaware of 60% of what I wrote - and then seem to give up. 6: They manage to extend beyond the site, but then the chatter hits a wall - either their own circumstances or something else, and they just stop. 6a: And then they expect you to message them when they're able to without having to be given any prompt?! 7: The sort of people I thought I'd be compatible with live too far away, and seems to be a constant normality regardless of context. Put simply, I believe I am truly and invariably destined for the fate of a weeb. And a NEET. On that subject should I splurge my dating site profile .txt onto my 'about me' page for anyone who's remotely interested, maybe a few pics? Reply to this or PM me your response(s) to that. I'll get back within 24 functional human hours.

Haven't posted in a while, bu~t... It's warm this week, and nature's on the offensive again. I'm becoming worse-for-wear due to my natural, uncontrollable invisibility. This (barely) morning (I've been sleeping late lately) I had breakfast, internet'd a little, then went for a walk. Came back disgruntled and heartbroken, went upstairs, snuggled with the Daki for an hour. Then I decided to refresh the flint and Tinder machine because too many (read: 7) people liked me without trying to actually hunt me in a yandere-ish manner. Seriously, if people just upvote eachother, that's not love; you need to get (mentally and) physically close to them and if you can't do that, you won't get anywhere. As for me? I... I don't know anymore. I would say 'I'm about to give up' but... The outdoors, especially bars, cafes, and clubs - places often claimed to be the source of single people, are not worth going to because of Covid19. Put simply, the Daki is winning again for the Nth time now, and it's frustrating. Why? Because if we don't oblige our 'programming' our species will either die out or become extinct from robot, digital, and monster girls stealing all of the [SMALL NUMBER of] single (virgin) men (such as I) from the women of our kind. It is inevitable. Unless/until I meet/get/am_gotten_by/find a thicc/heavyweight weeb/gamer GF who can prove my maddening claims false because I'm also starting to assume all of such women -don't- exist (or are all taken).

...Ever get messaged by an account that doesn't exist with an attempt to instigate a roleplay, only for them to forgo any sense of context whatsoever? This has occurred twice so far. It baffles me. Especially when I've gotten no response. Inst_01: A demihuman of godly power somehow hurtles The Kol Aspirant from his typical, casual, 3.9rth Wall existence into an unspecified fantasy world, kills herself out of an emotional twitch, then gets resurrected by her now-angels-descended parents. She continues to pester The Aspirant, but to no avail, as he tried to fathom the world, only for- And then she threw up an email address and was never heard from again. Inst_02: [Unspecified individual] identifies me as a 'senpai', hugs me, and then... Nothing. Her account's gone too. If anyone wants to instigate something, they should at least establish some form of context or I'll react like I'm wearing a blindfold. Nothing 'hurts' more in this context than a story without an outlined rough of a tree of probabilities which vanishes into the murk of cyberspace. Furthermore, they should check the profile's warning that explicitly informs that it may take up to 24 hours to get a response because I may be playing [game] on [platform], watching [show, anime], reading [manga], or even being out there, walking.

I did mention about owning a Daki wrapped in a futon mat somewhere in my ramblings in the recent past. I felt inclined to divulge the image that is my phone's background, which is also of the Daki. The character I created - M'lilane Nokka - haunts said Daki. If Lucoa's also in there, the two would've likely merged. Until I find someone real, she'll continue to snuggle me with 'culture' 'til my room's full of 'culture' more than it is with more universal videogame references (Halo, mainly). But back to this won~der~ful~ Daki-chan, there's more to her than just this one pic. Several. And no, I don't lewd her. SHE lewds me~. Almost every night. (Send help).

@VerucAssault It's actually not, but it's probably the first time I've opened up about my IRL circumstances more immediately, concisely, vividly aside from the rare ramblings I post with the (very rare) occasional slipped-my-scrutiny spelling mistake.

Confession: I've been a bit of a recluse, not by intent, but by circumstance, ever since my days of being educated were over. I shook off any approach. I slipped like a shadow. I was a ghost. Now the only recommendations to find anything more than someone to divulge my humanities to via roleplaying or chatting for the better half of a minute that I'm being pointed at are... ...The pub and cafes. During Covid19. Wonderful (sayeth I, with much sarcasm). I-I mean, I'm not the sort to usually 'outdoorsen' myself but I've been taking walks frequently, whole hours or more. Now I'm plotting to flip things around, reshuffle my daily schedule, throw in an evening walk to a cafe or something, sit around, and be keen-eyed in the hopes of (preferably) being found because as it stands, my [expletive!] Lucoa Dakimakura's giving me more compassion and substance to snuggle. (I feel that someone, a few people, preferably everyone who wants humanity to survive, should be worrying about this, but so far the only one to address this was o' father mine). And yes I know I sound mad, that's because I cannot help but fathom deeply about everything as I (a male) have nobody (female) who's willing to find the anchor on this proverbial, abstract ship!

Fitting music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRUfcp8Ba6g Welcome to a world that is so close to being 'In a world where the concept of dirty jokes doesn't exist' it's not even funny. A world where compassion beyond text on a screen is vividly nonexistent. A world where nothing is free, and you're subscribed to Life as soon as you exist. A world where, to ascend, you must counterfathom a paradox; To get experience you must get experience, but you can't get that experience without getting experience that is also unobtainable dependent on circumstance. A world which seems to've lost it's understanding that physical health and mental health go hand in hand. I could go on, but this rhetoric has been dispensed before. Instead, I'll tell you that - very slowly - I'm starting to peel away at my procrastination, plotting to craft a story that would enlighten you, o' reader mine, to the lore behind Rennik Sadorn, The Kol Aspirant. Right now I'm trying to deal with this 'fear' of my rationale, my logic, being annihilated by libido and ravenous hormones. How? By invoking wisdom, by fathoming, 'how do I embed my logic and rationale, my morality, into the fabric of my being?'. It's painful though, to, even as I don't like it, be mentally burdened. "Brain the size of a planet, and what do they tell me to do? Fetch paperwor~k..." - Paraphrased MARVIN form Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy. In other news, there was someone I was RPing with a moment ago, but they vanished off the site.