This is probably a better example. Start this one at 2:44 --
"I have a ideal self. When I torture myself with my conscious. I can get a glimpse of that ideal self wanting manifestation. I torment myself because I am not matching this ideal self.
The Ideal Self is an idealized version of yourself created out of what you have learned from your life experiences, the demands of society, and what you admire in your role models."
You wrote this immediately following the Peterson video I am watching.
Reading this made me think of Buddhism.
"In Buddhism, desire and ignorance lie at the root of suffering. By desire, Buddhists refer to craving pleasure, material goods, and immortality, all of which are wants that can never be satisfied. As a result, desiring them can only bring suffering."
I started following Peterson when I started watching his lectures. Just listening to someone validate what I feel and that I shouldn't be ashamed of it, calms me. haha. Watching him may be helping you more than you know or can realize at this point in your life.
I am so confused about your profile info x.X
Hullo! How are youuuu? :D