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Why are men only attracted to the bubbly and sweet personality?

MaiOtaku Forums > Relationship Advice > Why are men only attracted to the bubbly and sweet personality?
chocopyro

Yeah, its hard for people to handle other authentic people. So people filter parts of themselves in order to make themselves easier to handle. Now I don't think most people lie or show fake personalities. Some people do. Others just have multiple sides to them, and (try to) only choose to let the most positive, well meaning parts of them through. That's not a lie, because regardless of whether its the full picture or not, it is an actual part of the person. So it shouldn't be deemed as fake, even if another part of that person feels the exact opposite. Though I guess I'm stepping into the realm of Jungian psychology here with shadows and personas. XD

Nov 13, 17 at 11:53am
shinu

I for sure am different at work and at home. At work I talk to people, and at home I shut myself away from the world. These days I even feel like I'm starting to become an extrovert, but only at work.

Nov 13, 17 at 12:23pm
chocopyro

I'm pretty sure that's how most introverts are in the normal world. I dunno where the whole "Introverts are antisocial" thing came from, because there's a lot of introverts in the world, and many of them are "normies" who have very regular social lives. Like sure, here we have an abundance of introverts who also have a lot of personal anxiety problems, so it seems like the majority of us introverts are shut ins. Hell, I will spend weeks at a time in my room if I could get away with it, but if you can manage to even get me outside, I have never had any problems approaching a group of strangers and initiating conversation. Like when HVZ rolls around, I'm usually the guy in the font line shouting and enforcing battle tactics. And since my voice doesn't particularly cary well over a hundred people shouting in unison "BRAINS!", I have to put a lot more energy into it. At anime cons, I'm always buzzing around and meeting new people. But if left to my own devices, I might never see the sunlight again. (That's a lie, I even switched to a normal sleeping schedule because I missed the sun.)

Nov 13, 17 at 11:19pm
shinu

Well it's been a gradual change for me. Ever since the very beginning of being forced into the social school world, where people thought I was literally mute, till now where certain people think I'm not shy at all.

Nov 14, 17 at 12:32am
vanessa86
Supporter
<3

Extroverts can be shut-ins too (me being an example).

In my experience most introverts need too much space of their own to be able to talk with them though. Therefore i consider them slighly antisocial since they don't see the need to constantly talk like i do. Whilst many introverts wish the could get a little less attention in the real life, people like me are begging for people to talk to me. (not literally because that's a little pathetic)

So i'm shut in, but not shut-in by choice. But due to my interest pattern, i only meet people who rather have less social contact instead of having more, so i get stuck in an eternal loop of society forcing me to be introvert.

My core personality is actually pretty outgoing, but i'm sorta stuck in this loop of meeting people who aren't similar.
Not saying introverts can't be good friends, in fact they are. But they're likely not partner material.

So i guess never judge a book by its cover.

I also don't understand why extroverts don't find their way into the anime community. It makes no logical sense to me. Perhaps constantly defending their extrovertedness like i have to do is kinda tiring?

Also to me being social/antisocial is about your mentality, not your behaviour.

Nov 14, 17 at 3:57am
yaasshat
<3

Not wanting to socialize is not "antisocial". Let's get a definition, shall we?

Definition of antisocial

1 :averse to the society of others :unsociable
2 :hostile or harmful to organized society; especially :being or marked by behavior deviating sharply from the social norm.

In other words, one who is aggressively averse to socializing and this most certainly can include physical behavior, as can introversion.

Now let's do introvert.

in·tro·vert
ˈintrəˌvərt/Submit
noun
noun: introvert; plural noun: introverts
1.
a shy, reticent person.
PSYCHOLOGY
a person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things.
adjective
adjective: introvert
1.
another term for introverted.
Origin

mid 17th century (as a verb in the general sense ‘turn one's thoughts inward [in spiritual contemplation]’): from modern Latin introvertere, from intro- ‘to the inside’ + vertere ‘to turn.’ Its use as a term in psychology dates from the early 20th century.

Not quite the same thing, are they?

Only making the clarification because it seems people get confused on wording and that in my opinion, takes away meaning from both terms. They are not the same,
even if mildly similar.

Nov 14, 17 at 10:29am
vanessa86
Supporter
<3

i kinda just mean that behaviour can hide some of the true nature of a person. And yes i know the difference between antisocial and asocial. Most introverts i met are actually hostile towards extrovert behaviour/nature.

Nov 14, 17 at 10:44am
chocopyro

I kinda wonder where that aversion of extroverts comes from as well. Like I know a lot of extroverts who are also shy, but just need to be out with people.

Also, I know plenty of extroverts in the ohio anime convention scene. My friend Tony for example. The stereotype most people picture with an extrovert? He's it. Loud, outspoken, charismatic, driven, athletic, always talking, but has that power to make people feel really good about themselves if he compliments them. Also highly creative and the biggest nerd I ever met too. One of my favorite people to play D&D with and hit cons with. Though he usually is one of the people running the security scene at Ohayocon.

Nov 14, 17 at 11:09am
yaasshat
<3

I dated an extrovert (bad idea if you're truly an introvert) and I can honestly say there was no hostility towards her extraversion. She on the other hand... Well, let's just say there are a ton of reasons why I'm married to a different woman, with a child on the way. No grudges held on my part, honest...;P

I just thought a clarification was needed, since it seems like I hear the word "antisocial" being thrown around so much when what they mean is "introverted".

I mean, I've know quite a few antisocial extraverts, too. And yes, behavior most certainly can and does hide the true nature of people. We like to put on a facade depending on who we're around or where we're at. It usually has to do with whatever happens to be advantageous for the particular situation, humans are social chameleons.

Nov 14, 17 at 11:11am
shawnji

I know it's a bit late to weigh in on this, but I have found that I am most attracted to people I feel at ease with and can be myself around.

I don't know if that's bubbly, or shy, or bombastic, or whatever other blanket descriptor you might try to apply to it. I've known a wide range of people that I've felt that kind of closeness with.

Of course, there's a certain level of physical interest that goes on top of that, but if that base isn't there then I'm not going to find them attractive regardless.

If that person comes along I'll know it, but I don't NEED anybody else to "complete" me or "make" me happy. If I can't make myself happy then we've already got problems. xD

There are tons of different guys out there, and no two are completely alike in the type of person they're looking for.

Besides, you honestly shouldn't give a single **** about what some random guy thinks of you. What do you think of you? That's all that's important.

Nov 14, 17 at 12:19pm
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