or Sign Up

Controlling relationship?

MaiOtaku Forums > Relationship Advice > Controlling relationship?
yaasshat
<3

Was it just because you like anime or was it because you're obsessed? There's a big difference and if you're obsessed, I could understand. But, if it was simply because he thought anime was immature, he was the immature one. Obsession of ANYTHING can be an issue, anime or not.

Sep 30, 17 at 12:07am
codex13

I wouldn't call it obsessed. But maybe it was too much? The wigs and the conventions. Fabric and Velcro. The merchandise, and just everything in general.

He was embarrassed. It was a whole thing, and ultimately, I chose what I enjoy. It still bugs me though. In the back of my head, wondering if it's all worth it. It's messy.

Sep 30, 17 at 12:18am
shadowduty7
<3

Obsessed would look like, going to EVERY single convention, CONSTANTLY and daily cosplaying (even indoors by yourself), and have all of it stop you from your daily activities, negatively affecting your life....all while denying its a problem
If you were obsessed, you wouldn't be worrying so much about what others think in the first place....your just passionate about anime

If he was embarrassed of you, again, good riddances. Again, think about it. What would being with a person who can't even accept your interests be something you be conflicted about? If he couldn't even accept your interests, is embarrassed of you, and ultimately you had to leave him because of this, he damn well was gonna be even worse to you when he found anything else he thought didn't like about you or meet his expectations. Again, you should be proud, not conflicted for choosing to shape yourself into someone else's expectations. Regardless of who that person was and how good they treated you before, if they really cared about you they would've been open-minded and accepting of you and your interests. Breaking up with someone takes time and sure as hell ain't easy. But if your still conflicted or messy about this, your overthinking it and second-guessing yourself, which won't do you any good other than keep biting you in the ass and stay conflicted about what's already happened. The sooner you let go, the sooner you can start fully enjoying anime without worrying about whether you made the right decision or not .3.

Sep 30, 17 at 12:34am
codex13

No point in dwelling in the past, right? You're right and I'm being over emotional for no reason. You guys rock, seriously.

Sep 30, 17 at 12:41am
shadowduty7
<3

That's the spirit! Now go watch some anime while eating a whole ice cream bucket in hand and living your life moving forward, all while knowing you've had the last laugh! XD
Everyone has their beliefs on what's right and wrong and whether the decisions they make in life were the right or the wrong one. Its all rather subjective and absurd really. But regardless of the answer, strongly stand by your decision and even if others say your wrong, don't sink into despair or overthink things, learn from your mistakes, and keep moving forward. Never stop thinking and never linger in despair! If that can't be defined as right, I don't know what would.
No reason? Your being emotional because you lost someone you cared about, which is a completely valid reason! (even if he was a narrow-minded and demeaning person)
But (I know this is long) the despair you had lingering in your mind from your conflicting thoughts and moral questioning of whether what you did was right or wrong, is pointless since you already made your choice to leave him, now realizing that he was the one that was wrong for not being more open-minded and accepting of you! Your decision wasn't wrong, he himself is the what's wrong for having such demeaning and narrow-minded beliefs. However, what you should be questioning is why you ended up with a person like that to begin with, which started all this to begin with. So, if you ask me, the best you can do is to do your best to make sure the next person you care about is someone who will accept you, your interests, and treat you as the person you are, so you don't end up with a person like that again to begin with. As well as think more about your family's similar expectations to your ex of wanting you to "grow up".
Anyway ramble ramble ramble, goodluck, life goes on, don't linger in despair or overthink things, don't doubt yourself so much, stay strong, and go watch some damn anime.

Sep 30, 17 at 12:57am
yamadaed
<3

Passions, hobbies, those are what define you, if someone can't accept that part of you then it's time to start looking elsewhere, bonds formed with people should.make you happy, not stressed or regretful of having to give up a part of your identity

Sep 30, 17 at 2:19am
shinu

Lol no.

I was talking about this kind of stuff with someone else recently, and determined that the average person spends about 63% of their life on just basic necessities in their life. Sleeping. Working. Eating. Things like that.

Compile that with all the time you already spend on other people, then you really should see that a measly 1/3rd of your life even belongs to you. If even. Some people have some more, but it's not likely ever going to be more than half. You should spend your own time however you see fit, and you should never let anyone else make you feel guilty about it. If you have more time to spend than the average person, then good for you! Don't squander the gift you have! If you have less, then all the more reason to use it the way you want!

Whether it's watching anime, playing games, cosplaying, hiking, or whatever, it's our life so do what you want with it. Ultimately love is an obsession, and a person can't expect for you to love only them, and never anything else in your life.

Sep 30, 17 at 3:35am
momoichi
<3

love isnt trying to change someone because they have a hobby, unless that hobby has become an unhealthy obsession

you did the right thing, and im sure youll bounce back and be happiest with someone who shares said hobby, or atleast takes you how you are :3

Sep 30, 17 at 4:39am
konosuba23

Yea breaking up was the best decision, in my opinion I don't think we grow out of anime we grow with it.
Plus if you really love anime then why should you end the thing that made you you in the first place.
Anime to me was what made me who I am now a big Otaku lol but thanks to Anime and manga I learned how to play drums and other skills.
I learned new things about myself as well so my advice is any guy who wants to be controlling in a relationship is not worth your time nor effort.
Don't every let anyone ever tell you to end your love for Anime it is the thing that was a gateway to making you who you are.

Oct 02, 17 at 4:35pm
gudmoore

Screw that. I'm 26 and I still game and watch anime. That has nothing to do with being a well functioning adult. Enjoy your interests.

It really sounded like he was embarrassed over you, and that's pretty bunk.

Oct 12, 17 at 10:33am
Please login to post.