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Would you change for the one you love?

MaiOtaku Forums > Relationship Advice > Would you change for the one you love?
vladthe5th
Supporter

This is usually something that has been asked of me, as well as others that have had their eye set on a guy/girl they really love, but there are things they'd need to love and respect of the other person.

If it came down to it, if you wish for this person to be your significant other, if it meant he/she's near perfect in almost every way, would you change something about yourself to be with him/her?

Aug 20, 17 at 11:27pm
yaasshat
<3

If they're even "near perfect", why would I need to change? You don't change to suit what you want, you change to get what you need. Besides, you'll surely change over a lifetime and hopefully forge a great and beautiful thing with whom ever you decide to take a chance with. Do you change to get friends or do you seek out those similar in thought/life to you? Same concept.

Aug 20, 17 at 11:37pm
chocopyro

Well, I'm not done growing yet, and probably never will stop until the day I die, so yeah. I mean only if the change is constructive rather than destructive. If I had to learn a new language, a new culture, some new skills, and how to associate with new types of people whom I've had no experience with dealing with in the past in order to be with someone, it would be an interesting experience. And if I had to change innate shortcomings? I think humans should always strive to improve. (Whether I actually can or not is a different question. I mean I've tried several times to kick a caffeine addiction, and here I am with a mountain dew in my hands.)

Now that that's been said though, I don't think I will ever change the core of who I am as a person or the integral values I hold just to be with someone. The most important relationship anyone could have is the one they hold with themselves. If I had to burn crosses on someone's front lawn for the woman I love, screw that noise. If I had to initiate myself into the church of scientology, or some other cult, cut ties with close friends and family members, and shave my beautiful (k, not really) hair, go vegan, then give over all my financial assets and stop my habit of questioning authority? Nope. I don't care if she's my twin flame. That's one convergence that will never happen.

Aug 20, 17 at 11:47pm
vladthe5th
Supporter

@yaasshat, Most people I knew got lucky in that department, not really having to change anything about themselves, and still managed to have whom they wanted. It's mainly a case of what do you value more? One's current ideals, or the love and adoration of another human being? Some people like hooking up just to have fun, while others want to have something meaningful. And in some cases, they want it right now, rather than taking it slow.

I mean at that point, it's merely instant gratification, but that encompasses a vast majority of human society. We thrive to have sex, whereas others want more.

Either way, it's not something I will judge of others. Mainly just who would prefer what over the other, you know?

Aug 20, 17 at 11:48pm
tamamo_cat

In general if the person is not satisfied with me as I am and it's something I consider part of my identity, I'm gonna say no.

Now if it was something arbitrary like fashion or needing to learn their native language, that certainly wouldn't be an issue.

Aug 20, 17 at 11:55pm
azanarchy

I think I could consider changing things about me if I found someone who actually made me want to. When I say change I mean more physical things than personality or things that make me, me.
Who I am as a person I'm unyielding on. I've had a lot of personal growth in my life and for the most part I like who I've become. Someone who couldn't accept things like that I don't need in my life.

Aug 21, 17 at 12:51am
asukaangel

I believed the stuff you may change would be something that hurts you and of course your beloved one. That is to say like bad eating habits or drugs abuse, stuff that is bad for health. As far as personality goes that's not possible, that's what you are and if someone doesn't accept you like that well maybe they don't really like you for you... I don't know if this makes sense to you, hope it helps

Aug 21, 17 at 1:15am
lilithotaku
<3

Oh, i already did. The only thing that could change you that drastically is love. And once you do change, there is no turning back.

Aug 21, 17 at 2:23am
vladthe5th
Supporter

It is so, Mary. Just one of those things to make one wonder at least.

Aug 21, 17 at 3:08am
cerealia

I think change happens naturally. As the relationship progresses, you adapt and ideally grow with the person. There are things you have to compromise, such as your alone time, to fit in time with your SO. No person really remains stagnant.

If a person required I change to be with them, it really depends on what context. If it made sense, like go to the gym and be healthy so we can live longer together, I'd acknowledge the challenge. But if it's something trivial to the point of controlling, ie. Dictating my fashion choices or friend choices due to insecurity, nah. Bye.

Aug 21, 17 at 6:51am
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