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A Tricky Topic For Me...

oneman
Jan 13, 18 at 2:02am
Understood. Thanks for the help, all of you. I'll leave it to you ladies, if any of you pop on: What exactly do you look for in a man?
hakutaku
I apologize in advance...What I will say may be offensive, I'm somewhat blunt... I have a hunch that you will probably end up being single (;¬_¬). Are you sure that you can catch that 1% of ladies who are pretty, soothing, slender, fashionable, well-mannered, a little bit shorter than you? As far as I have observed, this kind of ladies are relatively popular <being pretty alone can make them popular>.Being unemployed and jaded will put you at a disadvantage..(-‸ლ)...What you can provide them can be provided by many other guys as well<this world doesn't lack intelligent individuals, though most people are average> ...Moreover, you have never been in a relationship, lack of experience plus empathy, you probably will fail to deal with many problems that will inevitably pop up unless that woman is quite understanding...
bob_loblaw
After reading the OP and a couple of his replies, I considered making a post that he wouldn't have liked... But then Enki made the above post that mostly said what I was gonna say, and she said it in a much nicer way than I would have, so I'll just move along now...
oneman
Jan 13, 18 at 2:34pm
Fair enough.
yaasshat
Tough love. We all need it from time to time.
oneman
Jan 13, 18 at 5:53pm
Keep in mind that I needed to hear these things. Despite my lofty standards, I needed to have some information as to what I'm dealing with and getting into. I am too meticulous to want to make any mistakes. However, it is really not much fun if there is no adversity in the first place. I may not seem like much, but one thing I do have is resiliency, commitment, and being able to accomplish a goal. I find it interesting to be called shallow when I provide more reasonings, desires and rationale. Half of the stuff I see seem far more shallow, with far less justification. Ever consider that I desire the things I do for a reason? The stuff y'all want are temporary, and filled with a lacking of desire. To lower your standards is a disrespect to yourself, as well as those you are interested in. I do thank you all for the information, because this is helping me gain perspective here. I struggle to express my virtues very well, because due to my past mistakes, I have a very twisted view of myself. I'm tired of being hurt by others, and feeling hurt from others. Hence why I have standards. Respect. Love. Desire. How are any of these words shallow? Whereas Lower standards. Low self respect. Low respect for others. These phrases, which is what most are about here, sounds far more shallow. Those who sling phrases like shallow I find to be the most shallow, since they cannot understand an alternate perspective. In life, there is no happiness without overcoming adversity. So, since this isn't the first time I've overcome overwhelming odds against me, and won't be the last, I am confident I will find someone to my taste. Especially since once we establish a relationship, I am willing to improve myself and adapt myself to suit a woman's needs. I may be emotionally unstable, but I have a solid head on my shoulders. Aware of my own faults, not making excuses. Relationships are built, not naturally formed. I find it hard to believe that y'all don't think appearances matter, or personality. I fail to see my perspective being shallow, and hardly understand why what I say is shallow, since what people want in life is entirely subjective. There is no objective standard for "shallow" and "not shallow" when everyone's reasons are different. What you misunderstand is that this opinion is not formed by self-entitlement. It is formed by fatigue with my own life experience. I desire a shelter in a woman, and appearances is only a small part. And honestly, saying hurtful things like calling someone "shallow" is an example of why I'm right yaasshat. I won't deny though, that I came onto this with pretty much no information and experience. However, this is why I had asked for information in the first place. To develop a better grasp of this whole thing.
john_felix
This account has been suspended.
oneman
Jan 17, 18 at 1:44am
@John Felix I'm an anime channel mostly, albeit it is restricted to anime gameplay right now because I'm still trying to figure out what my limits are as far as copyright is concerned. Thank you for the encouragement. I do realize that in order to get to the point I want, it isn't immediate. The whole point of my obsession of appearances, is a first step of looking soothing. However, they are more than just appearances. I'm well aware of that. The point of appearances is the gateway. Here's the thing: If women are willing to accommodate for me, I am more than willing for them. If they understand that I'm willing to give as much as I am physically and mentally able to, they'll realize that my biggest asset is that I am a blank canvas upon which they can paint their ideals upon. It will also begin a slow build of mutual trust which will make the couple dynamic a stronger bond. Maybe I'm thinking too far ahead. I'm a bit of a weird romantic, as I actually enjoy the concept of romantic dating. (I sorta dig the martyr complex a bit) I also write novels, but I am trying to work on publishing it in the form of an audiobook onto my channel as well. Problem is, I am working with just myself and a voice program.
rainx
Jan 19, 18 at 11:17am
I'm going to be blunt. If it's truly 99% of women (western or otherwise) you feel don't meet your standards, I can pretty much assure you the vast majority of the 1% that do, you probably won't meet there's. There's nothing wrong with being intellectual, well-spoken, and being confident. That being said, this narrow window of women you are seeking has pretty much a huge gamut of men to choose from. Many of which could be just as intelligent as you are as well as more successful and/or attractive. You may feel you come across as confident and self-sure in how you feel you communicate with others, but that can very easily be construed as arrogance and/or cockiness which can be a turn off for many women as well as too much intellectualism. You at least seem to understand that's the case (which is more than some people can see coming from similar shoes). That being said, even with that understanding, it won't help you much in the dating game if you aren't willing to make any compromises and changes in how you communicate with others (especially women) if your desire is to eventually get a girlfriend. One of my bigger weaknesses in communication is how my words, body language, actions (even if meant in a no harm or in a jocular manner) and how they can be taken negatively by some. That's something I'm constantly trying to improve on. And on the topic of standards. I think everyone is entitled to their own. Yours come across as very high, and if you have no desire to compromise them, that's your call. That being said, you're coming from a position of minimal dating experience in your late 20's and frankly needing a girl to "take you as you are, flaws and all even if I know what they are". Even the vast majority of women in the top 33% of attractive/successful/popular women aren't going to want to date a guy like that with many other men to choose from. A lot of girls don't want a "black canvas" they can mold to their ideals too even if you consider it a strength. Many would see that as a weakness and turn off and would more or less just be a path for them to abuse your emotionally and socially if you met the wrong girl.
oneman
Jan 21, 18 at 5:28am
RainX Very fair statements. However, the pursuit is something that isn't easy. A person needs to constantly keep trying their hardest. I don't think either side is happy if standards are lowered. I indeed have pretty much no dating experience. First and foremost though, there's a massive amount of commitment issues in people as of late. I will constantly work on and improve my methods of communication, and right now something has to give and take here. I am all too aware how small the odds are. As long as they're not zero, they're odds worth fighting for. In the end, most women don't end up with the successful ideal types. My hopes is that the relationship on both sides starts with nothing, and builds each other up to form each other's ideals. Each opposing side shapes the partner to their ideals. That is something I feel is fair. Hence why a blank canvas mentality is what I'm going with. It starts with appearances, but after that, the goal is to retain the relationship by communication and working together. Building each other up to make an ideal seems far more appealing than everything being achieved at once. Desiring shelter in a woman isn't an instant process, and could take years of time. The tricky problem is finding the right match, both in my case and theirs. Most men and women put up fronts like they have it all, but in all honesty, it is exactly that. A facade. If women think that their ideals are already there, built in, they have another thing coming. Both sides have strengths and weaknesses.
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