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Why are you single?

MaiOtaku Forums > Relationship Advice > Why are you single?
neet_one
<3

In your honest opinion, why do you believe you're single? Is it by choice or something else?

edit: Guess I might as well add my own.
I should start by saying it's a bit complicated for myself and it's not any one particular thing, so brace for a text wall.

I used to think I was great boyfriend material, certainly had enough people tell me so at least. Besides not being too bad looking in my opinion and trying to be nice and friendly to people (nice for the sake of being nice, not nice to win favors and make people like me), trying to be a bit charming, and I always figured I'd go that extra mile to make my girl as happy as can be. I always figured I'd put her wants and needs before my own and as long as she's happy that's all I'd need. I've always been more of a listener than a talker (offline anyway), a person who isn't only interested in women for sex and values more loyalty and long lasting relationships, someone who doesn't drink or do other drugs, hasn't done jail time, and isn't violent and doesn't get upset easily. I've also got an interest in stuff most guys don't care about, like a lot of times people think I'm gay for wanting to go shopping with women and taking interest in fashion and cute stuff. I used to be a lot more naive and eventually realized women don't really want or care about that stuff too much and will take any old guy as long as he's assertive enough and maybe has some money to back it up. Needless to say I'm not good at forcing myself onto people like that. I'm not being bitter or whining, I just have a much better understanding of the way the world really works now. There's no reward for being a good honest person, but bad people on the other hand get what they want because they're willing to take it without caring how much it might hurt people around them. I can't bring myself to do that unfortunately.

I think one of my big problems is that I can come off as really unapproachable. I can't say for sure but I get the feeling I give off the impression of being an asshole, maybe pretentious and elitist too. Besides that a lot of my views and opinions probably make me seem very cynical as well. One girl on this site was actually kinda afraid to talk to me at first because she thought I hated all women, but then grew to like me as she got to know me better. A lot of it I think is my inability to be myself on a site like this where many people only pretend to be 'otaku' as a way of giving themselves a sense of identity and belonging. I usually get along great with real otaku, NEET, and hikkimori, but most of them wouldn't be caught dead in a place like this. (In fact I've introduced a few pals over the years to this site and they always take one, pop a 360 look then moonwalk away.)
Besides that I've got trust issues. Time and time again I've dealt with people who take a liking to me at first but then grow distant after around two months then leave. My guess is they either get bored of me or inpatient and move on to someone they will give them what they want quick and easy. I'm someone who prefers to take his time getting to know people and not jump right into anything after all. This is one of the reasons why I find stalker/obsessive types so interesting. They might have their problems but at least you can trust them to not bail on you without warning like most people seem to in my experience.

Then there's the fact that the few interests, desires, and preferences I have seem to be hard to come by, at least in communities like this anyway. I wouldn't say I ask for much, I've never asked to land some goddess of a girlfriend straight off the cover of a magazine or anything like that, honestly it's the more humble and down to earth types I find more appealing. I don't even find large breasts appealing or care about asses. That said though I'm only able to find women attractive if they have a certainly level of femininely, where as tomboys really don't do anything for me. I know it may seem very vain and petty but the simple truth is I physically can't find a women attractive if she doesn't dress like a women. This is honestly kinda of a big thing for me and I've had to turn women down because of it. Unfortunately it's almost always girls I have little interest to take interest in me, where as my type don't seem to usually like guys like me. I have no idea why but I keep attracting punk rocker types and I want nothing to do with women like that. I'm a very straight edge person who prefers clean honest living, but I guess I somehow give off the impression I like the complete opposite? I don't really get that.

Another issue that I have that can be a bit embarrassing to admit is I don't think I can ever be comfortable with a girl who's 'experienced' (if you catch my drift). I mean lets be honest, It's next to impossible to find women over the age of 20 who haven't been around the block more than a few times. Heck, my first and only girlfriend (if they even really count) already had a two year old kid at 17, and recently I had a 16 year old barking up my tree who had already been with two guys so far (and no I'm not a pedo, I made it very clear to her I wasn't comfortable with the age gap) We stopped talking when she went and banged yet another guy. I know all women sleep around, but it's really hard to find ones who don't. I mean, that's not exactly the sort of thing you can ask someone about anyway when you first meet them. I realize this is something that I'd simply have to force myself to accept if I was to get involved with anyone, but I think it would always bother me at least a little that I waited for them and they couldn't do the same.

Location is also a major issue. I'm not someone who thinks all women are trash, but in southern California it's hard to find women who aren't. The type of girls I'm interested in are a rare breed in this part of the country/world. Around here the norm is for women to be slutty overweight tattooed up drug addicts with massive entitlement problems on top of it all. If there's one thing I can't stand more than anything it's women who expect to be treated like a princess even though their lifestyles, appearance, and personalities are all garbage. That might be harsh but I see no point in sugarcoating it, women around here are just nasty.
Skanks are common place here and my town in particular is overrun by obesity and white trash these days. It used to be a nice town untill the filth of LA noticed the lower housing costs here and flooded in ruining this town in the process. They've turned a once peaceful retirement community into an over populated borderline ghetto. I'm sorry if it sounds overly judgmental and mean but it's the truth. I've seen first hand nice girls I grew up with turn into trailer trash or criminals. It was honestly kind of depressing working security at the town mall and catching people I went to school with shoplifting.
I've meet decent people from out of state but no one wants to deal with long distance relationships. Can't say I blame em, the internet is full of creeps and weirdos so it can be hard to judge a person on text alone. Not to mention people generally want physical contact at some point or another, which can be hard with distance.

Then there's being too honest (as you might have noticed already). While most people out there and especially on sites like this will avoid saying anything that might offend or alienate potential partners, I don't much care for games and will share my honest opinion without hiding much unless it might hurt someone's feelings, then I'd at least try to find a nice way of saying it if nothing else. Relationships built on a foundation of lies and secrets will always collapse in time. Besides, how do you expect to get anywhere by just blending in with the rest of the crowd?
I've noticed people on sites like this pretty much only play video games like final fantasy, zelda, and fire emblem while only watching anime like deathnote, naruto, and dragonball. Their conversations are always the same like they're npcs spitting out pre-programmed dialog on repeat. It's like people are desperate to fit a particular mold and are afraid to stand out. when asked about what they look for in a partner they almost always give the same predictable responses, usually being very vague and only asking that they be nice. Then you date those peole and find out they actually want all sorts of things but didn't say anything so they could get their foot in the door. Next thing you know they're cheating on you or leaving you for someone who has those things they're looking for but never said much about before. Like I said, I don't play those games.
People's hive mentality here really came to light when this site was getting attacked a while back with nasty things to say about the admin, and again when everyone decided to gang up on a few particular users for things they may or may not have done. Well, I guess it's like they say.. the nail that sticks out is the one that gets hammered down.

Lastly I'm not a very sociable person offline. I can be when I need to be but for the most part I just prefer to keep to myself and avoid people. obviously that's not gonna get a person anywhere. It's hard to meet people when you spend all your free time at home. I'm much better at speaking to people and stuff online but we all know how horrible online dating can be. On this site alone it seems like most of the women are underage, fickle, highly dismissive with unreasonable expectations. The idea of committing myself to some random stranger like those for the rest of my life is a bit scary. It wouldn't be so if I could meet a half way decent person, but that seems to be impossible. In my time here I've come across one nasty person after another. I can't picture myself dating these people let alone growing old with them.

tldr; I'm just not cut out for this stuff, but I'm more than okay with being alone.

Jun 29, 15 at 5:28pm
vampire_neko
<3

Actually, just haven't found anyone that really appealed to me till recently. (Since my ex 4yrs ago)

Jun 29, 15 at 5:34pm
robscene
<3

Because I wasn't born as a conjoint twin ^^

Jun 29, 15 at 7:23pm
xueli
<3

It was almost impossible with my old job because I was traveling so much that it would have made starting a relationship really hard. Now it's more by choice with me putting grad school and starting a new career as the top priority. I haven't met a guy that has made me reconsider that yet so that's that :p

Jun 29, 15 at 8:00pm
jineko

Nobody deserves me but me. that's all

Jun 29, 15 at 8:07pm
trahecreations

Because I refuse to date anyone who is from the negative end of the spectrum. I am not pretty, super smart, outgoing, or skanky, I have crappy luck, I have no idea how to flirt or what flirting looks like. If someone says I love you I have already bolted and am out the door trying to find passage to a new country. Because I am goal oriented and don't sway from them. My best friend is a hamster.

Jun 29, 15 at 8:25pm
nikita_13

Too ugly to live, too weird to die.

Jun 29, 15 at 9:00pm
vampire_neko
<3

^Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas quote.

Jun 29, 15 at 9:02pm
nikita_13

Still haven't seen or read it. It's a sticker on my helmet. XD

Jun 29, 15 at 9:05pm
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